Rollercoaster

The first step to overcoming your problem is admitting you have one. Well that is what they say at least. What if admitting you have a problem is never going to help you overcome it? What if the problem isn't solvable?


That is where I find myself right now. I haven't told very many people about my Psoriatic Arthritis diagnosis yet. I feel if I hold on to this "secret" of mine for a little longer it will eventually just go away. Maybe they won't notice? Maybe it could just stay a little secret inside and eventually be buried so deep I don't even remember? What a fantasy world I am living in!!! I know I have to eventually tell people and admit that I need help. I feel that day is coming sooner than I would like.


Living with a disease that in all encompassing on the inside, but invisible on the outside can make someone frustrated.


I find myself longing for the things I used to be able to do. Even simple tasks like washing dishes has become a very hard task for me. I just want to be able to wake up and do things like normal. Today I went to the store with my 16 month old and 10 year old. We just had to get a couple things. It took everything out of me. I am exhausted and had to leave before we were even finished. At the store today, I need to get a pair of shoes for my 16 month old and I couldn't even get the shoes on his feet because my hands were cramping so bad. I had to sit down and take a break. Are you kidding me?!?! Take a break just to put shoes on a baby? I keep thinking I will wake up and this will all be a bad dream.
I have my good days too. I don't want to only focus on the negative (which seems to be a little easier than the positive lately). I picked out a coloring book and gels pens for my 10 year old and I to do together. I wanted to pick something that didn't take a lot of energy and something she enjoyed. We are actually having fun with it. We are currently coloring a super weird cat picture. We can't wait to see the end result!
So I will continue to focus on the positive and try to have more good days than bad. The medicine seems to help a little with the inflammation, but the side effects are pretty intense. I know I will eventually get used to it! I have no choice right?